With The 4th Pick In The 2012 NFL Draft, The Cleveland Browns Select...

Tomorrow night at the spectacular Radio City Music Hall in New York City, the Cleveland Browns will take part in one of the most highly anticipated drafts since their return to the NFL in 1999.  Lucky for you, I have spent endless hours watching film, dissecting combine stats, and talking to my many league sources.  I don’t understand why there are so many versions of mock drafts out on the internet.  I just read Todd McShay’s 73^rd mock draft, in which he has the Cleveland Browns selecting running back Trent Richardson – Alabama, with the 4^th overall selection.  Other so-called experts have landed the Browns with top tier talent such as Justin Blackmon, Maurice Claiborne, Matt Kalil, and (gasp!) Ryan Tannehill. 

The thing is; all of this talk is a giant waste of time.  I listened to hours of sports talk radio on how the Browns were definitely trading the 4^th pick plus others to the St. Louis Rams for Robert Griffin III.  Then Rams coach Jeff Fisher pulled a backroom deal with best bud Mike Shanahan and the Washington Redskins made one of the ballsiest trades in recent memory.  Some say the Browns were never in on the trade talks, fat Mike Holmgren says otherwise.  You can never trust what the Browns executives say – they hide information like Jessie Spano hides caffeine pills.

NFL Draft talk is really nothing more than the male version of high-school girl gossip.  “Ewww, can you believe that Seth is dating Megan? He is wayyy too cute for her, plus… she has a flat ass”.  NFL translation: “Although having severe holes to fill on both sides of the ball, Adam Shefter is reporting that the Cleveland Browns are heavily looking at Ryan Tannehill with the 4^th selection in the NFL Draft.  Ewww, I can’t believe that the Browns would even entertain that thought, he was just converted from wide receiver to quarterback, plus… he has a flat ass”.

So since I have the league’s best sources, I’ve decided to jump on the mock draft bandwagon. Below is my expert opinion on the 13 players the Browns will be selecting in the 2012 NFL Draft.

Round 1 (pick 4) – Mediocre Downfield Threat With Two ACL Tears By 2014 Guy

Round 1 (pick 22) – Soon To Be Traded For A 6^th Round Pick Guy

Round 2 (pick 5) – Future “Browns Tailgate 19” Co-Host

Round 3 (pick 4) – Headcase Stone Hands Receiver

Round 4 (pick 5) – Right Tackle That Ends Colt McCoy’s Career Due To Blown Block

Round 4 (pick 23) – Mike Holmgren’s Pool Boy

Round 5 (pick 4) – Sorry Bastard To Replace Phil Dawson After Retirement

Round 5 (pick 25) – Somebody Related To Pat Shurmur

Round 6 (pick 34) – James Harrison Concussion Victim

Round 6 (pick 35) – Paralyzed From Staph Infection Guy

Round 7 (pick 4) - 2017 Pittsburgh Steelers Pro Bowl Defensive End

Round 7 (pick 38) – Local Collegiate Undersized Receiver

Round 7 (pick 40) – Happy To Be There Guy

So there you have it, 13 dead-on draft predictions for the Cleveland Browns.  To be truthful – I’m looking forward to the draft and think that the Browns are going to nail this one.  I’m also the guy that foolishly predicts a 9-7 season every single year.  You gotta love false optimism…and flat asses.