Oh where to start? Well, movies would be perfect actually. I mentioned to Eileen a while back that I wanted to go see Ted in the theater. She asked who was in the movie and I said Mark Wahlberg. She blankly stared at me as if I just name dropped an extra from a 50s movie. Oh Lord, she doesn't know who Mark Whalberg is. I said, "You know, Boogie Nights, The Fighter, The Departed, Four Brothers"? No clue. Then she said, in only the way she could say it, "Oh yeah, isn't he the Marky Mark guy that wears his underpants too low"? All these years of success and Oscar nominations and she only knows the name in that context. Like some sort of memory lapse from a sci-fi movie, Eileen's pop culture knowledge stopped around 1993. Case in point. Ask her to name two of her favorite actresses and you'll hear Susan Sarandon and Kathy Bates. "Oh, I lovvvve Kathy Bates - you know, that lady can just flat out act". Perfectly fine for a middle aged woman, not so much for somebody in their mid twenties.
Speaking of movies, Eileen cannot stay awake through a movie if she absolutely needed to. She gets upset that I don't want to watch romances, but every time I end up watching the last hour by myself. When she wakes up with 10 minutes left, I am then left trying to explain to her that the guy that slept around with the entire East Coast really isn't a jerk and that he finally settled down once he found his inner love. To be fair, she actually has watched three movies in a row without falling asleep, which is DiMaggio like. Two of the three had Ryan Gosling in them. One of which featured him shirtless for 20 straight minutes. So to recap, she either needs Kathy Bates, or a nude Ryan Gosling to stay awake.
Oh, but its not just movies. Earlier this spring, we were sitting on our deck with my sisters discussing music. Somehow, The Village People came up in discussion and of course...we had to explain to Eileen who they were. A bit frustrated at my unrelentless cracks at her pop culture knowledge, she asked me to ask her a pop culture question. This was going to be fun. I took it easy, asking her to name the six main characters from Saved By The Bell. She responds, "Zach, AC, Screech, Jessie, Kelly, and...shoooot. Oh yeah...Lisa Turtle"! I started laughing at the joy of her victory, and then she uttered out the best words I've ever heard come out of her mouth other than "Yes", and "I do". "See...I know old stuff"! Of course...1993, why would'nt she know. That's her sweet spot.
Eileen has no clue who Sammi Sweetheart, Mike Sorrentino, Scott Disik, Kris Jenner, or anybody in that world is. I guarantee if I mention Mike Sorrentino then she thinks its either somebody I work with or went to high school with. I've never seen a second of the Jersey Shore or Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and I have her to thanks. Maybe more than any other reason, this is why I love her the most. Nikki Minaj? Maybe. Calvin Harris, FUN, David Guetta? Not a chance. Eileen classifies her favorites as Oldies But Goodies. She enjoys the musical stylings of Bruce Springsteen, CCR, Fleetwood Mac, and anybody else holding an AARP card. Can't say that I blame her - that stuff is awesome. I begrudgingly know today's artists based on their popularity alone. As I creep towards 30, I have always been afraid of not being in the know. Between entertainment and technology, I never want to lose sight on what is Now.
Eileen on the other hand, she proudly ignores everything Now, including technology, save for a few contemporary country artists and Facebook. My all-time favorite moment during our marriage is our trip last February to Verizon to get new cell phones. Of course, I opted for the smart phone variety, because A) It help keeps me connected, and B) I no longer had to waste 3 reams of paper a week printing out ESPN articles to read in the bathroom at work. See, I was making an environmentally conscience decision. However, Eileen went up to the Thinks He Is Important Because He Is Wearing A Tie salesman and asked him where the hot new flip phones were located. To reiterate, this was February, 2011. Verizon Douche went to the back and literally brought out an old shoebox filled with 30 flip phones that looked so old that Michael Douglas could of been holding it in Wall Street. Anyways, Eileen ended up settling on a slide out keyboard phone. Her excitement was unbridled. She absolute loved her new purchase. Probably even more than the new smart phone that I bought at the same time.
Sometimes I think the world moves too fast. I can't be alone for two seconds without checking my phone and wondering what is happening around the world. If we are in a restaurant and Eileen leaves the table to use the restroom, then I am pulling out my phone to check Twitter. Which is one of the reasons I know so much about crap I shouldn't. I love Eileen because she is different from most. For the first time, she can now text without using T9 and that is enough for her. In a time when people can't get away from Twitter or Facebook and need to constantly be connected, Eileen gets by just fine.
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